Because I've had the conversation alot lately

How nice would it be to never be put down or have to pull someone up?

If everyone just got along, then there wouldn't be so much drama in people's lives. It gets exhausting sometimes.

Growing up, I was always the mediator. Friends would come to me to gripe about other friends. They always said I was a great listener. And I was. But after a while, you can only listen to so much before you need to be listened to. I recently checked myself into therapy for that very reason. Better to talk to a professional about your problems than your friends who more than likely, don't give two shits. I recently have been trying to talk more than I listen. It didn't help that my ex wouldn't give me two seconds of the day so I constantly felt like I was fighting just to get a word in.

Maybe in a way, that's why I created this site.

The world can be my silent listener. I can say whatever to it and know that I don't have to have a response in order to feel better.

But here it goes:

Caleb will never know how much I truly do hate him. He blindsided me with stuff that no girl should ever have to go through. And he doesn't even have the decency to apologize once he realized just how bad he hurt me. He went around boosting to his "friends" that he is the nicest guy you will ever meet, that he's not an asshole, etc. And for everything I find out about him, it just drives that nail in a quarter inch deeper.

There will never be any guy that is worthy of any woman. I just want to put that out there and get it over and done with. I've talked to too many women who have always been burnt on every relationship. And I've talked to too many guys who say girls are just as bad as guys. This very well may be true. I've seen first hand how some of my "friends" treat their boys. And to say the least it's down right shameful. I've only been dumped once. That's sayin somethin. And in all honesty, I should have seen it coming. All the other boys have fallen short. I haven't even had one guy in my life, friend or more, that has ever treated me perfectly the whole way through a relationship. Well, maybe expect for Jon, but on most accounts, he's more like a brother than anything.

I've become very suspicious of guys motives lately. It stems from Caleb. Every door that I thought was safe to walk through now seems like a potential death trap. My guard is up, much higher than it ever was. And I don't see it coming down even an eighth of an inch any time in the next decade.

There are times a friend will do something in which you know their intentions are good and pure but they don't see just how bad it hurts you. They don't see how much it affects my life.

I'm tired of "friends" ragging on themselves. People don't give themselves as much credit as they deserve. In all honesty, I think we dwell so much on one aspect of our lives that we think is important when in reality, if we were to ask around, people would tell us something totally different. What is it that you dwell on? What is it others say about you? We all have conversations with our friends in which if we thought about it hard enough, we would see at least one topic that was in the majority of conversations.

My goal this week is to reevaluate my life. I want to know what I think is the major drama factor in my life and then listen to conversations with friends to see if I have drawn the right issue. Sort of a self evaluation in a round about way. I challenge you to do the same.

I actually did a small version of this at work today with my manager and I realized how much I put myself in to the mix with customers. I had always seen it as connecting with the customer and trying to normalize the situation when in reality, people will just talk if you let them. You don't have to find a connection, let the customer open up. If the customer is already talking, then what's the need to try and find connections, just listen. For them it's free counseling. And in the end you will probably have said two or three words, yet they will feel like you are their new best friend. So that's what I'm going to do from now on. Only talk when it's necessary. People naturally talk to me; so I need to let them.

After this exercise, I sat there thinking about how I could apply this to my own life. And it hit me like a ton of bricks. When you train to be a lifeguard, they don't train you the medial day to day things, they teach you the important, body reacts before you even realize it techniques. It's the same way with CarMax. Just because I have all of these tools in my belt, it doesn't mean that I have to use each and everyone with every customer. There will be some that I will have to but I need to learn to save my energy for those types of customers and friends.

So hear you me now: I pledge to be a better friend, co-worker, and employee by listening more. And not just listening but actually hearing what you have to say.

I am no greater than any other man. Yet I am important.